Sunday morning in church God put an exclamation point on something He’s been wanting me to challenge other women’s ministry leaders with.
I’d say I’m sorry if I step on your toes, but I’m really not. I hope I do. It’s that important. Will it make it better if I say I’m doing it in love?
This challenge is painfully real for me and my family as our recent move has us hunting (again) for a new church home.
You would be shocked by the lack of welcome we have received as we have visited churches. I cannot tell you how many times we’ve visited churches, both small and large, and not a single person has welcomed us. And we don’t scoot in late. In smaller churches it hurts even more because you know they know you aren’t a regular.
The pastor nailed it on Sunday when he said there are people that feel like they are on the outside looking in. Our family has been stuck there for the last year.
Ya’all, there are women in your church who feel like they are on the outside looking in. And it’s not just the new girl. There are women who have been attending your church for YEARS that are lonely and feel disconnected.
It would break your heart to know the depths to which they just want someone to acknowledge them. To invite them to an event. To spend a few minutes getting to know them.
Ladies, you and your team must be intentional on Sundays (and other church days) to build relationships and seek out new faces.
So how do we go about building relationships and seeking out new faces?
Ask God to give you eyes to see the faces of folks you don’t know on Sunday mornings. If your church is too big to distinguish long-time attendees from guests say, “I don’t believe we’ve met before.”
At one church we visited a guy chatted with us for just a minute in the elevator. Rather than awkward silence, he made us feel welcome. You wouldn’t believe the impact small talk can have.
Beyond being a welcoming church community, why is this so important?
People want their presence to matter. And it does! But sometimes we forget to show it.
Women are more likely to come to your events and activities and connect with other women if they’ll know someone. It is hard, really hard, to go to a women’s ministry event knowing no one. I’ve done it and it was hard for me!
The more women you know, the easier it will be to fill openings on your Women’s Ministry Leadership Team and volunteer spots for your event. Not only will you have a sense if they are the right woman for that particular position, but you’ll have a foundation on which to build.
So here’s my challenge – to you and your team – every single Sunday for the next year I want you to make an effort to build relationships.
- Chat with the woman beside you washing her hands in the bathroom. Tell her how much you like her scarf.
- Get out of your seat/pew and walk over to the family that’s visiting and introduce yourself. They are more nervous than you are – guaranteed!
- Invite someone to come to the next women’s ministry event or your Bible study. There are women in your church that are longing for an invite. I promise.
- Look in front of and behind you as you wait for the service to start. Introduce yourself and your family to those around you. Chances are you sit in the same general spot on for worship each week. Do you know who’s sitting around you?
So will you do it? Will you take the challenge to be intentional about building relationships on Sunday mornings?
You may also want to read:
How to Alienate Visitors
Answering the Call for Biblical Hospitality
What the New Girl Needs
I am praying my pastor will bless me to begin and lead a women’s ministry at our small church. Your guides are awesome and I’ll refer to them often as I progress.
Joining you in prayer Veletta! Let me know if there’s anything specific I can help you with.
I will take your challenge. I look forward to seeing what God does next.
Awesome Glenda! I’d love to hear what happens! 🙂
Thanks God for your ministry, it is truth that we don’t pay to much attention to new people. Is been happening in my church lately, we need to start giving the new visitors a very warming welcome. Thank you, God bless!
Great! I have adopted, as the key word for our work this year, and the word is “intentional”! Thanks so much for this article and your ministry!
Love how God is speaking to you! 🙂
I go to a small church. A few years ago we had a visitor and to hear her talk her life was saved by someone conecting with her. She had moved to town not met a single person in three months she had been to several churches in the area and no one had even acknowledged her, until she came to our church. Her and her family eventually moved on, but this has been a big reminder to me of how important each visitor is and you never know their story until you stop to hear it.
Sandy, I am so glad you shared that! We like to think it doesn’t happen, but it does. All the time. So thankful your church was able to love on her while she was there!
I read this today for the first time and it sure strikes a nerve with me. We changed churches after 20+ yrs, We really liked the next church, loved the preaching and the people were very friendly, (always speaking & smiling). We attended group functions and I attended women’s ministry functions. I also volunteered in Bible School, (which was one of the biggest & best around). I tried to get to know people but finally gave up after 2 yrs. Although the people seemed loving and were very friendly, no one wanted to know us. We never felt included. (I think we are very outgoing and friendly, never had a problem before). After that we felt called to a very small church where our relatives go. They say they are known as a loving & friendly congregation but I find the same thing here. (friendly but not inclusive) I’ve been here 3 yrs. and have tried to set an example of loving and including others, but they still don’t get it. I’m wondering if we will ever find the love and support of our brothers and sisters in Christ that we had for those 20+ yrs. We were like family to each other. We wept together, we rejoiced together and we prayed for one another. So I guess I said all of this to say, “It’s not enough to be friendly, we need to reach out to all who come and include them.” That’s what Jesus did, and if He is living in our heart how can we not do that also?
Sandra, I SO appreciate your comments! I know we’ve felt that way before too – like we were still on the outside…
Our Pastor at our current church often says people are like Legos. They only have so many holes. Some are bigger Lego pieces and like to connect with many people and have an empty space or two. Other people’s Legos are already filled up. I can’t relate to being filled up – but some folks just don’t want to expand their circle of friends. I’m learning not to get so bothered by those who are not interested in including others…But like you, I feel it’s what Jesus calls us to do!
Praying God will bless you with the deep friendships and relationships you desire!
Loved your observations and wisdom, God is all about being connected. Like never before Ehp 4 curch needs to be embraced. Thanks for encouragement.
Thank you Fiona! Praying God will guide and bless your ministry…
I thoroughly enjoyed this and I would like to have the emails send to me
Thanks Dianne! super! There is a subscription box on the right hand side. All you’ll need to do is enter your first name and your email address. 🙂
These are all great suggestions!! I’ve been on both ends of this issue before and what you wrote is right on! Thanks for the reminder!
Blessings, Joan
Thanks Joan!
Challenge accepted
Super Ellen! Glad you’re in! Praying many feel loved because you have reached out to them!
I know to my core the truth to this. So many women feel outside of what we feel we have invited them to. Sometimes we need to offer more than one invitation too.
Melinda, great point! Sometimes they may not show or may turn down the first invitation, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ask again. Praying God gives us all boldness to ask again and that we don’t feel snubbed by those who don’t show.
I alternate with another lady in baking mini loafs of bread which we distribute to first time visitors as they exit on Sunday mornings. Its a great way to meet visitors and make them feel welcomed.
Susan, that’s a great idea! It takes many touches for folks to feel welcome.
Yes, I accept the challenge. I love being a greeter at church. People really appreciate a warm welcome.
Super Mary Lou! Praying it makes a difference in the lives of those you meet!
Wonderful kick in the pants…I mean post! 🙂 You’re absolutely right about all of it. We moved where we are almost two years ago. Our new church is very large and no women’s ministry.I felt lost at first…but we got involved in a small group and I started going to a lady’s Bible study. But other than those people, we don’t know many more…much less if someone is new! Regardless, I need to do my part to make people around me feel welcome and invite them into where we’re plugged in. Great reminder!!!
LOL! I’m happy to provide the kick in the pants! 😉 Praying you will help others to overcome that lost feeling quickly!
Cyndee – great post! I am going to take the challenge, too!
Thanks Gina! Awesome! Let us know what kind of impact it makes!
I will take the challenge.
Awesome Evon! Report back and let us know how it goes! Praying being intentional makes a big impact in your church!
I can count on three fingers the number of people who spoke to us while we spent one whole summer looking for a new church home! Now that we have found that home, I am aware of the importance of meeting and greeting. My struggle is remembering the names and faces of the new people I meet.
Beth, I suspect we would have some stories to swap! I constantly remind myself that God has allowed us to experience the “lack of welcome” for a purpose – and it’s to make certain that others do not feel the same way.
I’m not very good at remembering names either…I’ve found it helps to immediately repeat their name – ie. “It’s so good to meet you, Shelley.” and I try to use it again before the end of the conversation. It doesn’t always work, but it helps. It’s also why I am SO big on using name tags! 🙂
ahhhhh….. yesssss….. thank you, AGAIN, for pointing out a need.
Laura – you are so welcome! 😉
in our church, we have a team of greeters that learns who the new people are and chats with them about a few directed questions. We then try to pair them up with another family of like interests, or children of age etc. The unmarrieds or the married single women are also paired with others like them. This system works very well although it is not fool proof. However, we do try because like you, we recognize the lonely and scary feeling of coming to church and knowing no one.
Debbie, that’s a great first step! Sometimes, though, I think people feel that a welcoming team let’s them off the hook. One church we visited welcomed us in the parking lot, got our info at a table in the lobby, and then we were on our own – I love that your church tries to connect everyone! During our three visits to that church no one else approached us before or after. There are other reasons that we didn’t return, but the lack of welcome definitely played a part…
Yes, I accept that challenge!
Super!! I can’t wait to hear about the impact it makes!
amen and amen! thanks for the spiritual reminder!
Peggy, your comment made me grin big! Thank you for the “amens”! 🙂
So very true, we need to love on people the way Jesus modeled for us. It’s not about us.
Jan, well said! It’s not about us – but oh how we often make it about us!