3 Ways to Love Single Women Well

Today, I have invited Jazmin N. Frank to share on the topic of ministering to single women. – Cyndee

One of the rhythms I have for my morning devoted time, in addition to reading Scripture, is that I also like to read from some kind of spiritual formation book.

Recently, I picked up one that’s been on my to-read list for a while about cultivating rhythms that help us rest well. I need that. Desperately. I need to rest.

This particular author has had some good insights and presents the material in a simple way that’s easy to connect with. However, during yesterday’s reading, the book made me angry.

It wasn’t the kind of angry that comes when someone challenges you to do something hard.

This was the kind of angry that comes when you feel left out and overlooked. Because in a chapter about how to put Sabbath into practice, all of the examples given were about practicing Sabbath—this day of rest—with a spouse and children.

I don’t have either of those.

I’m single. Always have been, and some days it feels like I always will be.

I don’t believe the author intended for me to feel this way, but it’s not the first time this has happened.

When it comes to things in the church, as a single woman, I often feel undervalued and overlooked.

We don’t know how to love single women well. It think it’s because singleness is awkward and involves a lot of conflicting emotions that are hard to sit with. But there is entire population within the church that that needs loved well, and we’re not doing the greatest job at it.

If you’re wondering how to love the single women in your community better, here are three ways you can that:

1. Be inclusive

When you’re having an event, leading a Bible study discussion, or hosting a conference, make it welcoming to women of all walks of life.

Make sure the content, questions, and activities aren’t just catering to the women who are married and have children.

The quickest way for any woman to disconnect is when she feels unwelcome.

We can easily make our single gals feel welcome by broadening our view and teaching on topics that apply in any walk of life.

Now, a small disclaimer here. I’m not telling you to never host an event for mom’s or a marriage seminar.

There is a time and a place for events targeting specific women.

However, if you are looking to gather women from all stages of life, just be sure your content fulfills that goal and includes everyone.

2. Value your single women for who they are

One of the most unhelpful and annoying things people say to me when they are trying to encourage me in my singleness is that, though I’m single, at least I have more space to serve Jesus.

While serving in ministry and living on mission is an honor and a privilege for all of us who follow Christ, comforting me by telling me I have more time to work when all I want is relationship is less than helpful.

These kinds of statements paint this idea that a single woman’s value is found in her ability to work.

In the same way, when I’m repeatedly asked if there is a special guy in my life, what I hear is that my value is found in my relationship with a man.

Neither of these ideas of valuing single women by their work or relationship status are helpful.

Our value as women doesn’t lie in these things. We know this, we even teach it, yet we’re sending mixed messages to single women.

If you want to love your single women well, treat them as if their value is found in Christ and what He says about her. Because it does. And that’s where your value lies too.

3. Develop a proper view of singleness

The hardest thing to face as my singleness continues far longer than I ever planned, is wrestling down this idea of the middle place.

Growing up in church, I’ve absorbed this idea that singleness is a stepping stone to marriage. But the longer I’m single, the more I’m fighting this idea.

I’m not guaranteed marriage. It is possible that I will spend the rest of my life as a single woman. If that’s the case, I don’t want to feel like I’m stuck in a middle place I’ll never be able to escape.

Singleness is not a holding zone for marriage. I’m not even sure I can call it a season anymore. Its a walk of life.

For those who have chosen singleness or who have had singleness chosen for them—either by circumstance or calling—we need to learn how to accept that this is the life our single women are living.

For some, marriage might be part of their future, but relating with them as if their singleness will definitely end in marriage isn’t realistic and can actually be quite hurtful.

Instead, be willing to enter into the single life with the single women in your life. Sit in the tension with those who want marriage and children, but don’t yet have them. Celebrate with those who are happily single. Advocate for the single woman who has gifts and a calling, and give her space to live into those things.

Singleness doesn’t have to be a taboo subject. It doesn’t have to be something we shy away from. Instead, let’s enter into it. Let’s love our single women well and raise them up as the valuable, beautiful, well-loved daughters of God they are.

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You may also want to read:
Is your women’s ministry reaching every woman?
Join Us for the Ministry to Women Summit
How to Get Women to Show Up
Why Women Aren’t Coming to Your Women’s Ministry Events